Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
