I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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