I just cut my nipple shaving
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
