everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
