I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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