you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
