when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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