if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
