I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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