we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
