Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
