Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
