OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
