my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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