the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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