Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
