I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
