phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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