I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
