I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
