Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize