I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
