And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
