She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
