What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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