he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
