We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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