I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
