Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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