Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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