So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
