Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
