OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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