and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
