Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
