puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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