Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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