is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
