Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
