I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
