The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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