Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
