How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
