its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
