I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
