He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We need to get me chipped asap
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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