It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want you more than these girls want KFC
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
