what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
