You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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