I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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