I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize