Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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