I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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