apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need a beard to bite.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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