CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
