I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
