Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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