Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
