I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
