I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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