Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
