Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
