Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
