but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
