Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
