I haven't been this sober since birth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
