OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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