woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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