in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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