eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
