office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
