I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
