i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
