I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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