I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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