the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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