i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
